The Confession

The Confession

We were on our evening stroll on the beach. Goa, her favorite holiday destination. I had one event to organise in Goa and I tagged her along. After a tiring day at work, she dragged me to the beach for a walk and to get something she describes as fresh air. She said I needed it after a day of tiresome work. She cared a lot for me, and I loved her.

It was a wonderful evening. Sun had just started to set, and the sound of sea water was music to ears. Breeze was flowing in our direction, ruffling her hair. What a moment that was! A strand of hair caressed her face. Slightly irritated, she tried to put her hair in a bun. I came up with the most predictable and obvious lines in such a situation. “Let it be, you look stunning when you let your hair lose.” Bloody filmy I was.

She smilingly obliged and said, “As you say.” Had God asked me to give away my life right there at the moment, I would have done it willingly with no second thought. I had just witnessed the prettiest girl in the most beautiful of all situations. I couldn't have asked for anything else. Oops, sorry, that was an exaggeration, I wanted to live. I was yet to confess my love to her. I wanted to spend my whole life with her, and probably even after that, if at all there is such a possibility.

She held my hands and we started walking with our fingers intertwined. She appeared to be more calm and happy than usual. “What’s the matter Princess? You seem to be very happy today.” I asked. “Nothing. I need no reason to be happy. I have you. You are such a sweetheart.” She said, and kissed me on my cheeks. I would have loved to say my face went red, but it is not possible going by my complexion. But it would have resembled a Gulab Jamun for sure. You get the drift, I blushed like hell. I mean anybody would have.

“Let’s go.” She said pointing towards a bench. As we sat on the bench, she said, “You know what, today while I was browsing on your laptop, hope you don’t mind me doing that, I am sorry if you consider this as intrusion in your privacy, I found something.” Shit! What did she find? She couldn't have found any “objectionable” content for sure. You know what objectionable means, don’t you? Such things are stored somewhere deep within the network of hidden folders. Hail to the God for the hidden folders. “Really..! What? And please, this isn't intrusion in privacy Senorita, remember, Jo tera hai wo mera hai, Jo mera hai wo tera.” I said.

“I came across your writings. You told me once that you had a thing for writing, but never showed me any of your pieces. Today I found some. I read your blog, ‘The First Conversation’ and your poem, ‘With you my love’. You write beautiful. And if you do mean whatever you have written, I must say, the girl is really lucky to have you. Now, one question, who is that girl? We have been such good friends and still I know nothing about her. Who is she Rishi?” She asked.

If you ask me to pen down the top 10 most ironical situations of my life, this moment would have topped the list for sure. The one person for whom I wrote those poems and articles, was sitting right there in front of me, and asking who the lucky girl was, oblivious of the fact, that the lucky girl was no body other than her. I sensed this was the moment of truth. I wanted to say everything I ever wanted to but ended up with something that sounded like, “ah..the girl. Umm, she is umm..aa…well..aa”

I was never a coward. I always say people to have the guts to express their love if they had the very same to fall in love. But somehow I couldn't. Shit! Opportunity missed.

“Hey relax. You don’t need to tell me if you don’t feel like,” She said, “It was too personal a question anyway. I am sorry.”  There she was, pouring atrocity over atrocity on me. First she reads my poem which was meant for her in the very first place but she asks who the lucky girl is. And then when I am unable to answer her query she discards it saying it was too personal anyway. I hated her. I loved her even more.

“But by now I know you are a person very romantic at heart. You are deeply in love with someone. Correct me if I am wrong.” She said. “You are spot on.” I replied, with a hint of blush. “You know you look so cute when you blush,” she said, pulling my cheeks. “Ok, tell me, what is love to you, how do you define love or what does it mean to you?” she was on an interrogating spree today it seemed. But I had to answer this question. It was an opportunity served hot in a plate. I just had to grab it.  I was contemplating since day one as to when and how to disclose my feelings. The time and place seemed just perfect. It couldn’t have been any better than this. I made up mind.

“You see, love for me,” I said, standing up and holding her hands, “has a very simple definition. It’s you.” “What!” she said with a shell shocked expression. I started to go jittery in my legs. My heart started to tremble. But I had made my mind, I was not to back off. “You heard it right Princess, the meaning of word love, for me, starts and ends, only on you. Love is Sakshi and Sakshi is love for me.” I said. “Rishi are you in your senses? Do you realise what you are saying?” she said getting up, moving ahead, and leaving my hand. I went pale, but I went on, “Yes Sakshi, I know what I am saying. I don’t know where you came from, how you came in my life. I am unable to express how much you mean to me. All I can say is, if there was a person whom I ever loved, with complete devotion, with whole heart, with complete commitment, it was you. You do things to me Sakshi. My life seems perfect when it has you in the picture. Whenever you are around, everything is just perfect. All those poems and all those articles, I wrote them for you. I meant every word of them. The lucky girl you were asking about, it is YOU”

She stopped in her path, and turned. Thank God for that. She said, “Rishi, I am sorry but I am no more your friend…” I AM SORRY. The words hit me like a bullet in the chest. I felt as if I was stabbed by a dagger. I had the answer. She just didn’t feel the same way for me. I could have still managed with this fact, but no longer being friend thing hit me hard. “I am really sorry Sakshi. I didn’t mean to offend you. We have been such good friends but I ruined it all.” I panicked.

“You need not be sorry, I just…” she was saying but I interrupted. “I am sorry Sakshi. I know I never deserved you. I should have thought twice before falling in love with you. You are way too beautiful for me. You are way too out of the league for a guy as ugly as me.” “Rishi, do you ever listen to me? Let me finish.” She shouted like a tigress. “uh…? Sure.” I meekly blurted.

“Rishi, I reciprocate your feelings. I…” she was saying but I couldn’t stay shut. “But you just said…” “Please shut up. Will you?” she said and smacked my head, “I am not yet done. I reciprocate your feelings. I feel exactly the same way you feel for me. My life was a complete mess until you came. You made me laugh, you made me smile. You showed me the way to live life. If I am happy today, it’s only because of you. You make my life worth living. I said I can’t be your friend anymore, because I now need a promotion, I want to be your soul mate. And yes, even I define love as YOU. I love you Rishi, I love you too. And by the way you are not half as ugly as you describe yourself. You are irresistibly cute” She said with her signature angel like smile and lovely voice, a lovely choked voice at that. I could see that tears had welled up in her eyes. If I had ever heard anything more beautiful than the duets of Kishore Kumar and Lata Mangeshkar, it was this. But I couldn’t respond. I kept staring at her with a stupid expression. Sorry, that expression was idiotic, I can't even describe that.

“What! Say something.” She ordered. “What? Who? Me?” I blabbered. “No. That old uncle resting on the aisle over there, you idiot. God, of all the people in the world, why did I have to fall for this nut?”

“Uh...Sorry. Thanks. It is just that whenever I am with you, my brain has trouble processing anything. So there’s always a delayed response” I sheepishly said. “Aww…you are so cute, and so funny too, Mr. Lovable. Come here.” She said, and hugged me tight. Aah…!! I have never been to heaven, but I am sure, I wouldn’t have felt any better than this there. “So, now are you going to officially propose me or not?” She said. “Officially propose? Whatever is that? I think we poured out our hearts. Can’t we just kiss and make out?” I said. “Getting naughty, eh? Those things will follow my dear despo.  But there’s a step by step process for everything. Now be a gentleman, on your knees now.” She ordered, and I willingly obliged.

I got down to my knees, spread my arms. Just as they show in the movies. I told you, bloody filmy I was. I then held her hands and spoke my lines, those very lines I had been practicing in my mind day in and day out. Today I realised the gravity of those words. I said, “Dear Miss. Sakshi Mahajan. I love you. I always did. I always will. Give me a chance and allow me to show you how much I love you. How much you mean to me. I will always love you unconditionally. I will be yours forever and always, will you be mine?” She said nothing, just smiled. “Is that a yes?” I asked. My knees were hurting, this way of confessing your love though looks romantic, but trust me, it is painful, and it is even more painful when your love is playing hard to get. 

“I’ll think over it. I need some time to make my decision you see.” She said with a mischievous smile.

“Hey that’s not fair. You can’t leave me in the hanging garden like this.” I sulked.

“Ok. You are a poet right? A poet always has a poem or two for such a situation. I want you to come up with a poem for me. Right now!” She chirped.

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

“Anything for you my Princess.” And I came up with an impromptu poem for her, the poem was impromptu, but the feelings weren’t. They were there since the time I met her.

“My heart beats louder than the tone whenever you call,

You make my heart go jumping as though it were a ball.

I have a stupid smile whenever you send me a text,

I want to talk to you all day all night, I need no rest.

Always want to see you happy; always want you to smile,

I promise to do that, trust me, that is my style.

The sleepless nights, the endless talk,

I’ll be there with you in every walk.

I know I exist; you make me feel whole,

Always in your thoughts, you are there in my soul.

At your sight, I skip a heart beat or two,

You make me feel alive, out of the dulls and blue.

All you need to do is smile, and that makes my day,

Your eyes speak a lot; I understand your feelings even before you say.

I’ll fight with anything that makes you cry, I’ll fight with all your sorrow,

I have loved you always, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Emotions are more, words are few,

All I want to say is I love you.

That’s it. I know the poem isn’t good enough. It isn’t as half as beautiful as you. But trust me, I mean every single word of this. So, your answer?”

“How sweet! True, the poem isn’t good. It is the best I have ever heard. It had to be, you put your soul into it. And as far as my answer is concerned, it’s definitely a yes. I love you too Rishi.”

It was music to my ears. I rose up from my place and looked at her. Finally, the only girl I could ever love was with me. She loved me too. Is there a feat any bigger than this? Probably not. Not for me atleast. Our eyes met and the moments froze yet again. We came closer. She closed her eyes. My lips were inches away from her lips. And then they met. Everything around us ceased to exist. All that mattered was we. If at all there’s something called a kiss of divinity, this was it. It was a kiss devoid of lust. All it had was love. Pure and serene love. They say love is magical, I agree.

This is what love is all about. It’s not about I. it’s not about you. It’s about ‘we’. And ‘we’ were now together. Till death do us apart……